


Predestined Not To Be

by kagezai



Series: soulmate au/s/ [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Feelings Realization, For the most part, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt Kageyama Tobio, Kissing, M/M, Mostly Kageyama-Centric, Oikawa Tooru Being Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru Being an Asshole, Pining Kageyama Tobio, Soulmates, a lot of it, characters could be a bit oc, same iwaoi as its mostly background, there is kagehina but its still mostly oikage ig, though some things stay the same
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:41:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26179657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagezai/pseuds/kagezai
Summary: Tobio did not love the person whose initials were written on his wrist.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Series: soulmate au/s/ [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1888081
Comments: 30
Kudos: 175





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> apologies for any grammar mistakes!

It all began on his first day of middle school.

Tobio had entered the Kitagawa Daiichi gym for the first time, a tiny bounce in his step from the excitement and nervousness mingling in his chest. He felt anxious to be one of the newcomers in a place he was not yet familiar with, but ultimately the fact that he was going to be able to play volleyball with new teammates made him feel that much more eager to start practice.

It was just after he had set two feet inside that the young boy spotted him.

A couple of metres away, on one of the more faraway courts, the image of a boy rising high into the air, defying gravity for just those few seconds, reflected back in his blown pupils.

Tobio watched with a childlike fascination at the slope of their back bending over into an arch, a hand cutting through the air with practised precision before meeting leather. The form was perfect, the spike clean as both the boy and the ball came back down to earth almost simultaneously. A loud noise echoed through the gym where it slammed against the floor with unbelievable raw power and force.

Needless to say, Tobio was mesmerized; unable to tear himself away from the scene that had just unfolded before him.

And when the brunet turned his way to grab another ball, Tobio didn’t miss catching sight of copper eyes. Gleaming like freshly polished metal, yet narrowed in determination and concentration. Eyebrows furrowed just slightly, lips in a tight line. Confident.

_Beautiful._

It was precisely at that moment that Tobio felt something that was previously locked deep inside him crash open, a river of foreign, yet not unpleasant, emotions swirling through his petit frame. A warmth rippled in his chest, every other feeling or thought screeching to a halt.

However, it was not nearly enough. Tobio craved _more_ ; tightened his fists to stop his hands from reaching forwards, chasing what he was positive had to be the source.

_The boy._

A small smile split his face. He raised his right hand, palm up, and inspected the initials that lay neatly across his wrist.

_H.S_

The brunet had to be his soulmate. There was no other explanation possible. It was almost as if the whole world had brightened with the same light that had shone in the boy’s eyes, one that Tobio had never seen before.

He felt like the luckiest person alive, standing there at the entrance to the gym. His soulmate played volleyball as well, holding an unyielding passion for the sport just as he did. Now, he could share his biggest love with his fated other one. What could be more perfect?

However, he must have spoken too soon because suddenly another tanned boy with short, spiky hair approached his soulmate. The words he heard next felt like a slap across the face, worse even, and he couldn’t escape the ice that was now threatening to overtake the previous warmth.

“Oi, _Oikawa_! Quit training so hard already or you’ll wear yourself down before practice even officially starts! Set an example for the new _kouhais_.”

_Oikawa..?_

Tobio’s eyes snapped down towards his still outstretched arm.

_H.S_

A deep panic began to take root in his stomach, creeping up his chest like needles pricking his skin. He wasn’t sure whether it was just his imagination but he swore he saw the lights dim around him, blinking manically to clear the fog that had settled in his mind. The way his heartbeat accelerated tenfold almost drowned out all other sounds, but Tobio caught the brunet’s reply.

“Iwa-chan! _Mean_! You sound more like my mum every day…. _Fine_ , I’m stopping! Quit looking at me as if you’re plotting my death already!”

And when the boy, _Oikawa_ , dropped the ball that he must have picked up when Tobio was swept up in his thoughts, a flash of sudden black had him tumbling back down to reality. Ink printed across his wrist. _Initials_.

_I.H_

Who he assumed had to be the boy’s friend, _Iwa-chan?_ , massaged his temple as if in deep thought or trying to fight off an oncoming headache. Just before the pair began to make their way to where he only now noticed his new coach stood, another flash of identical black greeted him.

_O.T_

O.

That had to stand for _Oikawa_...And the _I_ on the other’s wrist had to stand for _Iwa-chan_ (or whatever their full name was)

Tobio had never felt as _pitiful_ as he had standing there at the entrance to the gym. _Numb_.

As if to rub salt in the wound, Oikawa finally spun his head around to meet his gaze. Nothing indicated that any secret ‘ _connection_ ’ had transpired between them, no spark igniting a hidden flame. The other’s eyes no longer shone as brightly as they did when he first saw them. They were strangely empty except for the faint hint of curiosity that momentarily flashed in their squinted gaze, most likely due to the fact that he had never seen Tobio before. _Nothing more._

Just as quickly as the ‘ _moment_ ’ began, it ended when Oikawa whipped his head towards the spiky haired boy who had resumed talking. He did not hear a word of their conversation.

Tobio had never felt more _alone_ than he had standing there at the entrance to the gym.

* * *

After that, things only went downhill.

Tobio learned the full name of the brunet, Oikawa Tooru: _O.T_ , as well as the full name of the other boy that was with him: Iwaizumi Hajime: _I.H._ Both third years as well as Captain and Vice Captain.

He knew it was official. The cold, dark truth mocking him in the form of tiny, scrawled letters. And the aching feeling that remained planted firmly in his chest was worse than any he had ever felt before.

But alas, he had to persevere somehow; work through the pain and try and pretend it wasn’t there until it was actually gone.

He and Oikawa were nothing more than strangers really, barely acquaintances; polite and formal just like a regular _senpai_ and _kouhai_. Because that’s all they really were in the end. _Nothing more._

However, their required formality and makeshift politeness shattered not long after it began. Tobio had shown off his volleyball skills that even the Coach praised highly, often singling him out among the sea of first years to personally congratulate him on his sets.

The younger boy didn’t notice at first, he was naive like that, but slowly Oikawa’s attitude changed towards him. Somewhere along the line the polite _Kageyama-kun_ changed into a mocking _Tobio-chan,_ accompanied by razor sharp glares and snappy comments. Tobio was confused about what brought about this sudden change, and it only made his heart throb that much more at every perfectly concealed backhanded ‘compliment’ thrown at him..

And it definitely got worse when he was switched with the older setter midway through a game. He didn’t have much of a chance to linger on the trembling, hunched frame of the brunet but he couldn’t deny the small pang that resounded somewhere in his chest at seeing the other look so _defeated_. It was a complete contrast to the pride and confidence he saw the boy wear on the very first day he met him.

Oikawa looked _pitiful_ and _alone_.

It left a bad taste in Tobio’s mouth.

And though the black haired boy knew that, despite his age, he was stubborn and persistent, that whenever he set his mind on something he thought was achievable he didn’t let go, Tobio still would have never expected that everything would be building up to this moment.

The moment where he saw the boy that he couldn’t deny he admired, not just because of the jumble of feelings he held for the other, swing at him with frenzied fury he knew had been brewing for months. Thankfully, Iwaizumi stopped Oikawa just in time. Yet, Tobio still couldn't move an inch as he lifted a trembling hand, feeling as if the slap had actually connected.

The yelling was a distant melody in the back of his head, the only thing occupying his thoughts were the initials _H.S._ So very different from the _I.H_ that had raced towards him and the _O.T_ that had cut the hit short.

So, he had walked back home that day with a brigade of thoughts swarming his head too fast for even him to keep track off. However, there was a single thought that he actually could latch onto, the single one that almost grounded him unconsciously. It was the knowledge that even after everything that had occurred, his feelings still didn’t go away.

It was odd, and it scared him a bit if he was being honest. The daunting realisation that even _that_ couldn’t change things.

Tobio wondered whether this was what he deserved for falling in love with the person whose initials were not written on his wrist.

* * *

The third years - _Oikawa_ \- graduated and the next two years went by in the blink of an eye.

Tobio was about to be a first year again, but not in middle school. A different school, one that Oikawa was not a part of and would be completely foreign to him. It was _chilling_.

Still, the change was not entirely unwelcome. His third year was torture, especially when something inside him finally snapped. It was almost as if the string that connected him to Oikawa suddenly broke, though nothing ever connected them in the first place. There was no string. It was entirely one sided, nothing for it to hook onto. He only wished such a thread existed. _But it didn’t._

He was sure the sudden change in his personality stemmed from self-hatred. After all, he was no longer an innocent, little kid. The years between them put a few things into perspective that had previously been clouded by the setters presence. Those years also allowed him to somewhat grow up.

He knew Oikawa hated him, almost as much as he hated himself for the feelings that still resided in the hidden confines of his mind, drifting back to the forefront of his thoughts more often than he figured was healthy.

But, Tobio was the one to blame. The brunet himself didn’t do anything, not really in the end. It was almost as if the older boy somehow knew that he was an obstacle to his own happiness; the eternal joy that soulmates were meant to share. Perhaps, he only served as a means to test the strength of Oikawa’s bond with Iwaizumi, see whether a distraction would cause him to stray from his destined path. Why else would he be cursed with these feelings for someone he could never have? Was Tobio meant to meet his actual soulmate, and then everything would get swept under the carpet so they could both finally go their separate ways? _Free_ , with their respective loved ones?

Why after all this time did Tobio still love him? He hadn’t seen the boy in years. They had to be _free_ , right? What else was left?

Alas, his self-destructive torrent of useless questioning was cut short when the door of the gym flew open in front of him and a shorter boy with wild, orange hair and eyes appeared before him.

Caught off guard, Tobio slightly recoiled and frowned when he realised that he had actually seen the other before.

A hazy memory of him playing against a short boy with the same orange hair in a green jersey resurfaced. Yes, this was the same boy that he had played against in his third year. The same boy that he could now vaguely remember had stared at him throughout the entirety of the match in an odd, slightly unnerving, way. He wondered what the hell that was about.

“ _Sorry_!” The boy exclaimed, flailing his arms around like a maniac before quickly repositioning himself into a low bow.

Tobio grimaced, “S’fine.”

He tried his best to pull off an impassive expression, “I remember you. We played against each other, right?”

The boy wasn’t the best, nor was his team for that matter. But for his height he could _really_ jump, like _really_ high; abnormally so. 

The black haired teen watched carefully as a mixture of different emotions flashed across the other’s face as he lifted his head, something he couldn’t quite place igniting in his amber gaze the longer it remained glued to his face; unwavering and still. He began to feel uncomfortable, scrunching his face in annoyance.

“What the hell? Quit staring at me like that-!

“Yeah, I remember you.” He cut him off, bashfully rubbing the back of his neck. “I, uh…”

Tobio didn’t think that he had ever had a more confusing meeting before in his life, unsure of how to react. Despite gaining an attitude, he was still an awkward mess at heart.

Unfortunately, it seemed as if the boy was waiting for him to reply, though the setter was honestly at a loss for words. Staring down at the other, it was almost as if his soul had vanished from his body due to the emptiness that had filled his chest. He had never felt this feeling of _nothingness_ before.

After a taunt silence, the orange haired teen cleared his throat, suddenly lifting up his right hand with his palm facing away from him.

“Uhm, I guess this is the part where we introduce ourselves but I sorta already know your name…” Tobio raised an eyebrow in confusion but the other continued, finally flipping his hand around so his wrist was on display for the setter to see.

“Nice to meet you, Kageyama Tobio.”

There, clear as day, sat the initials _K.T_ written across his wrist.

Tobio just stood there, _baffled_ , as he tried to comprehend the shit that had just occurred. There was no denying it, his initials were in fact printed on the others skin.

His mouth felt dry, the feeling of emptiness only encompassing his body further until it felt like a hole had been carved into his chest. There was nothing he could do or say but stare dumbly like a deer in the headlights. He barely noticed when the boy nervously reached for his hand, first checking for himself before bringing his wrist as far as he could reach towards Tobio’s face.

Padded fingertips sat featherlike atop the ink, a small, strained voice filling the space between them, “And I’m Hinata Shoyou.”

He said his name slowly while tracing the letters carefully.

_H.S_

_Hinata Shoyou._

He desperately wanted to say something - _anything_ \- but all his words died before they could make it past his throat. The single thought that bombarded his head in a way that left him dizzy and shaky was: _He isn’t Oikawa._

However, other thoughts soon followed after.

_Wait, why don’t I feel anything? Not even a single emotion? Why do I still just feel so... **empty**._

“That’s o-okay!” Hinata dropped his wrist, “I know it must be a shock to suddenly meet your soulmate. I was surprised as well when I realised the day we played against each other. I heard the coach say your name so...I _knew_.”

“Maybe you didn’t notice - _which is fine,_ it doesn’t have to be an instant connection like in movies and stuff.”

“I mean, we’re teammates now. We can start off slow.” The smaller boy bowed stiffly, in an almost 90° angle, “Nice to meet you, Kageyama-kun. I’m Hinata Shoyou. A middle blocker.”

It took a few long, tense seconds for Tobio to finally collect his bearings enough to stutter out a, “N-Nice to meet you, too.”

Though Hinata didn’t show it, he must have known something was wrong from the beginning. He wasn’t stupid and Tobio was terrible at hiding it.

He wondered briefly whether the other boy had somehow found out the setter’s secret here and there. It was an idiotic assumption that was impossible but Tobio had always been taught it was impossible for someone to not love their soulmate and yet here he was. Living proof. Maybe, it was right to be paranoid.

After that day, the pair got accustomed to their new team who were all very welcoming and made Tobio feel like they were all part of some big family, completely different to how he was treated in his third year. Even though at first he did try and act like a tyrant King, inevitably he began to stray further and further away from that title. It was difficult not to considering how his senpais never failed to remind him that he was no longer alone and that it was okay to depend on the five other players on the court.

Despite there still being an obvious rift between him and Hinata, the pair did manage to still work exceptionally well on the court together. The shorter boy spiked his ball with complete confidence that it would always be there, a soft smile often on his lips when he managed to leave Tobio stunned with the lengths he was willing to go to, to ensure he was always there to hit his sets. It made him feel more relaxed where before he usually felt pressured, which he couldn’t deny made playing more enjoyable.

Hinata was a friend, but nothing could change the fact that he wasn’t Oikawa. That despite his initials being engraved onto his skin and them finally properly meeting, the things he should be feeling towards his soulmate did not seem to appear. It was painful in a completely different way, and the guilt mixed in with the shame he felt whenever Hinata’s face dropped if he thought Tobio wasn’t watching seemed too much to handle at times.

He had absolutely no idea what to do, no idea what to say to make it better. Hinata could never know the truth. No one could. And as much as his heart twisted painfully whenever he thought about all the hurt he was subjecting his soulmate to, he couldn’t rack his brain on how to fix things.

Hinata was a good friend and an exhilarating rival to play with but that was it.

_In the end, he wasn’t Oikawa._

_He wasn’t the one he was in love with._

* * *

It was wishful thinking believing that by some miracle his path would never cross with Oikawa’s again.

Tobio was staring miserably at the boy across the net who was cheering with his teammates about the practice match Aoba Johsai had just won against Karasuno.

He felt defeated, and not just on the court. Everything had come rushing back the moment he laid eyes on the brunet, who only somehow managed to get more beautiful in their two years apart. It was _unfair_ and Tobio felt like an even bigger _fool_.

The boy held himself with a natural confidence, which was frustratingly attractive and he just wanted to slap him. _And himself._ What was worse, was the fact that when their gazes met, Oikawa was grinning wickedly, reaching into his soul just by a mere look. And there was something in his eyes, something _sardonic_ and _provoking_ ; almost like he _knew_ something. There was something _different_ about the torment that lay in them, almost like _pity_ and _sadness_.

It couldn’t be possible. Could it? He never mentioned it to anyone and the last he saw of him gave no indication that anything had changed. However, with the setter’s hand draped around Iwaizumi’s shoulders - _soulmark on display_ \- he figured something must have. But how?

Tobio felt like he was drowning, water clawing its way up his lungs until he was choking and gasping for air. He couldn’t bear to look at the boy any longer, but when he whirled around he was met with another scene he wished he didn’t have to see.

Hinata had been carefully observing their momentary silent exchange, his own personal look of _defeat_ plainly written across his face. The carefree smile he attempted when he noticed Tobio didn’t quite reach his ears and his mask was already slipping. The forced light in his eyes retreating, darkening and becoming glassy.

Tobio couldn’t hold back the startled gasp that escaped him when Hinata suddenly marched up and pulled him outside. He only barely caught a glimpse of Oikawa’s face falling and eyes widening before he feigned indifference, averting his gaze nonchalantly.

In the next moment he was looking down at his soulmate, Hinata still holding his arm tightly. He was chewing his lip to keep it from trembling, but it was obvious that he could not control the violent shaking of the rest of his body. It was difficult to look at but even harder not to.

_“Kiss me_.” Hinata blurted out.

Before Tobio could fully understand the other’s words and try to figure out whether he had actually misheard him, the shorter boy continued quickly.

“I know how this sounds but kiss me.” He swallowed thickly, his adam’s apple bobbing, “Kiss me and see if you still feel..”

His amber eyes shifted towards the gym and Tobio instantly knew what he meant. Knew that Hinata had finally found out about what he had been terrible at hiding from the beginning. As much as he wished to know, he didn’t really have time to question how the other figured it out.

“If you still feel nothing when you kiss me..if nothing changes about the way you feel...I’ll _understand_.

“So, _please_ , this is the only thing I’ll ever ask of you.”

“But, _w-why_?” Tobio couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth, “Why would you want to-“

“Because it’s the same as it was that day, right here all those months ago when we first properly met.

“I know I told you we could take it slow but absolutely _nothing_ has changed between us. At first, I thought you were shying away, or you didn’t know how to express how you feel. I _waited_ for you.”

Tobio wondered why his vision had suddenly become blurry.

“I _love_ you, Kageyama-kun. And these couple of months have just confirmed it. So, I want to _help_ you. I want to help put everything to rest. I want to...make it all clear for you.”

Hinata seemed a little breathless as he fought to keep his voice level, tears welling in his eyes that Tobio was sure mirrored the ones in his own.

A stray thought filtered through the ones jumbled in his head, just when he thought he couldn’t feel any shittier. _You only love me because of our soulmate bond. Surely, my love for Oikawa is deeper when it is not bound by predestined fate?_

“I'm tired. My patience has grown thin. So, this is for me, as well. So, _please_ -“

_But, the universe didn’t work that way. He was bound by the soulmate system, and who was he to oppose it anyway? Not when **that** had only brought about so much pain. **Defiance** was a waste of time._

So, Tobio just cut him off, diving in to collide their lips together.

It was most likely the first kiss for both of them, and it ended just as quickly as it started.

Hinata looked up at him in disbelief, a hint of anticipation and hope flashing in his eyes around blushing cheeks. Tobio, on the other hand, only slid his gaze towards the open gym door; focused on the copper brown that flickered towards his in turn.

Neither of the boys moved for a good few seconds, Oikawa’s own piercing stare boring into him just as coldly as he expected him to. Tobio’s chest burned and all of his instincts were telling him to _run_ and _get away_ but this time, he held his ground. Something like resignation flickered to life in Oikawa’s eyes and then he was tugging Iwaizumi by his jersey, soundlessly leaving a quick peck to his lips.

This earned him a questioning look from the other but Iwaizumi didn’t attempt to move away from his hold, resuming the conversation he was having with another teammate. Oikawa’s hand circled around his neck protectively where it remained resting just above his collarbone.

The brunet’s face split into a cheshire like smile, so _beautiful_ on his face despite what it implied.

He loathed himself even more for it, but Tobio _wished_ he could be Iwaizumi right now, and had to fight the urge to start tearing up. He clenched his teeth. _An idiot, that’s all he was. All he ever would be when it came to Oikawa.._

_However, he could at least do this.._

Wrenching his eyes away, he was once again met with Hinata’s faltering ones, face stricken by sadness and realisation. Moving to retract the hand that was still holding onto his arm.

But, Tobio just brought his free one to grip it tighter instead, squeezing and forcing the biggest smile he could muster that he hoped came across as genuine.

He knew it was wrong. He knew he shouldn’t. It wasn’t right. But, trapped under Oikawa’s suffocating gaze, all logical trail of thought was abandoned.

So, instead of giving a worded reply, Tobio brought their lips together once more, trying to ignore the sharp sting that crawled up his chest, twisting his heart painfully when he felt the orange-haired boy smile against his mouth.

He wasn’t Oikawa.

He wasn’t the one he was in love with.

But, it was all he had and all he could do in a pathetic retaliation against _Oik_ -fate and his own feelings.

_At least one of them could be happy this way._


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was meant to be around 800-1k words (because that was how long the first draft was) but it has now somehow transitioned to 1.7k words! must be all that extra angst :D
> 
> so anyway, enjoy 700 words more I guess!
> 
> -just found out its oikage day bc i don’t keep up with everything rip so ig this story is sorta bad timing 😀

“You know, Tobio’s in love with me.”

Iwaizumi visibly flinched at the other’s words, quickly whipping his head away from the blurry scenery in front of him to gape at the boy sitting calmly beside him.

_“H-HUH?!”_

“Shh, _Hajime_. Keep your voice down.” Oikawa’s lips pulled back into a lazy smirk, completely carefree as if he hadn’t just given Iwaizumi a heart attack with his words, “The whole of _Seijoh_ will eavesdrop on our conversation. You know how nosy they are.”

Iwaizumi clenched his teeth, straining to hold back his voice. It bothered him even more that his boyfriend just looked so _unbothered_ , spitting out the craziest, abrupt statement out of nowhere.

He took in a deep breath, “What the hell are you talking about, Tooru? What does…? He’s…” He broke off, unsure of how to phrase his words properly, mind suddenly blank. At least Oikawa knew him well enough to know what he was implying.

Oikawa sighed, but he noted that it lacked its usual sarcastic undertone. If anything, it sounded more tired which only served to make him more confused.

Usually, Iwazumi was good at reading the other, having been subjected to his antics for most of his life. It was strange for him to be left completely in the dark regarding Oikawa. _Especially_ , since they never kept any secrets from each other. It hurt, surprisingly, but he pushed it down in favour of listening to him speak again.

“He’s not my soulmate, I know. _Pretty obvious.”_

It was clear that Oikawa had tried for a more light and uplifting tone at the end but it only came out as a weak breath. He was tapping his knee with his index finger rhythmically and absentmindedly scanning his gaze around the bus, avoiding looking at Iwaizumi.

He frowned at the brunet’s behaviour, though he doubted the other even saw him, “How do you even know in the first place?

“His soulmate told me.”

That once again made his body jerk, turning fully to try and catch Oikawa’s eyes who remained distant, focusing on a particular spot somewhere in front of him. _Still_ , he just wouldn’t meet his gaze and Iwaizumi had to fight back the tiny spark of anger that was bubbling in his chest and curl his fists to avoid gripping his boyfriend’s coat and forcefully spinning him around so he would finally just _look_ at him.

There were a few more beats of silence before Iwaizumi couldn’t hold himself back any longer, _“WHAT?!”_

At his loud volume, Oikawa winced slightly, but that was the only reaction he could pull from the other. Something else was preoccupying his thoughts, leaving him wrapped up in some other place.

“Again, not so loud.” He muttered and Iwaizumi finally noticed the multiple, curious eyes on them. However, for the time being, he couldn’t really care less.

“No, T-Tooru! You can’t just spring that up on me and then expect me _not_ to be shocked!” His brain was already lagging behind trying to keep up with everything he’d just learned in the span of a minute and, for the first time ever, he was unsure of how to approach Oikawa, someone he’s always been able to read like an open book. He didn’t like feeling so lost, and it frustrated him even more when he couldn’t piece together Oikawa’s unusual behaviour.

“Who’s his soulmate, then?” He finally settled on asking when the other didn’t respond.

 _Finally_ , Oikawa turned to face him. But, it was clear as day that the smile he was wearing was forced, a feeble attempt even on his part, Iwaizumi had to say. It was so pitifully fake and actually kind of sad, which further added more questions to his unanswered pile.

“Hinata Shoyou. Their orange-haired middle blocker.”

Iwaizumi thought back to the match they had just played against Karasuno, remembering the mop of orange that had whizzed around the court and given them a hard time. The other boy had seemed normal to him, but then again he didn’t have time or any point to overanalyze his feelings. Hadn’t really cared, if he was being honest. Maybe he should have.

“Yeah, I remember him. But, if their soulmates then…” He chewed his lip, “Why is Kageyama in love with you? And why would his soulmate tell you in the first place? _When_ , even?”

Oikawa crossed his hands over his chest and recoiled his head back against the seat, staring hard at the ceiling above him. It looked like he was thinking of how to correctly respond to Iwaizumi’s questioning, pursing his lip slightly and furrowing his brows.

“It was before the match. Apparently, Tobio had gone to the bathroom and while you guys were stretching I slipped outside to..” He paused, shaking his head softly before continuing, “To clear my head before the game.”

Something told Iwaizumi that wasn’t the only reason but he didn’t interject, allowing the setter to carry on.

“It was then that he came up to me. Explained who he was and-” _and I almost fell apart right there on the spot_ \- “And I was obviously confused as to why he was telling me this.” Another pause, longer this time and Iwaizumi raised his eyebrows, “It was not as if I _cared_ , anyway.”

“I was gonna go back inside but then he just blurted out that Tobio loved me. He looked as stunned as I was after he said it.” Oikawa squeezed his eyes shut, almost like he was imagining the scene unfolding behind his eyelids, “He then just started rambling that Tobio had been acting strange ever since he found out they were soulmates. That he knew he didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Or the ones he _should_ have been feeling.”

“He told me that no matter how much he tried or how long he waited, nothing changed between them. And that, at first, he had no idea why. No idea what he was doing _wrong_..” The brunet’s voice had faded into a low whisper, leaving Iwaizumi edging closer to be able to make out his words. He wondered whether Oikawa even remembered that he was talking to him.

The setter looked tense, the tapping becoming more erratic the further the story went. His lips were pressed firmly against each other, breathing shallower than it had been when the conversation had first started. Iwaizumi could only watch the other retell the events with a heavy heart, only being able to helplessly listen and hating himself for it. His hands itched to grab Oikawa’s but he didn’t know whether the other would want that. He didn’t know what the other boy wanted _at all._

Oikawa’s eyes fluttered open, blinking slowly, “Apparently, when we were exiting the bus and Karasuno had come out to greet us, Hinata caught Tobio staring at me.”

“He said he knew then because..” His hands clenched around the fabric of his pants, “Because it was the same way he saw other people stare at their _soulmates_. And, that he had never seen him look at anyone else that way before. The way he imagined Tobio would one day look at him.”

“He couldn’t process how it was even possible, didn’t even know who I really was or my ties to Tobio. _But_ -” Oikawa’s gaze hardened, “He just went after me on a whim. Didn’t care whether it was right to tell me or not. Apparently, the pain...it was too overwhelming. And not just the ordinary pain one feels when hurt...it felt much deeper than that, like his _soul_ was _falling apart_.”

Oikawa’s voice cracked and Iwaizumi wondered whether he would cry but he just blinked rapidly, pressing further into his seat as if the wool could somehow swallow him whole. His fingers were still for the first time but Iwaizumi couldn’t stop himself from fiddling with his, his chest burning with such intensity that he almost wanted to end the conversation right there.

But, foolish curiosity got the better off him so instead, he meekly asked, “And what did you say next?”

Iwaizumi did not expect to see him crack a small smile, one that looked strangely genuine but odd on his face. He realised that it was one he had never seen before.

Tooru drifted back to the entrance of the gym.

_“What about you? What do you feel towards all of this?” Hinata asked quietly, bowing his head and apparently becoming very fascinated with the ground beneath them. He was hesitant, and Tooru knew that he didn’t really want an answer. He probably wanted the setter to laugh and tell him he was exaggerating and reading into things too much. That he hadn’t given them enough time and soon enough it would all be fixed miraculously with Tobio jumping into his arms, exclaiming whatever he wanted to hear._

_Oikawa mulled the question over for a bit before settling on the answer Hinata did not want._

_“I think that, in a different world, a world where we didn’t have the initials we have now, things might have been different. And-”_

_He couldn’t stop his lips from sliding upwards, his eyes softening. He wasn’t sure whether Hinata was even looking at him, or whether he heard the next part, but he didn’t care. The words were more to himself than anyone else._

_“-I would have liked that.”_

The memory fizzled out in front of him and Tooru titled his head towards his boyfriend, grinning widely before laughing as if he had forgotten what he was talking about just seconds prior. That genuine smile that had crossed his face vanished and his usual, playful demeanour had returned.

“I said that, I was sorry but there was nothing I could do to help him. That it wasn’t my problem since Tobio meant _nothing to me.”_

_Yeah, Tobio definitely meant nothing to him._

_Even as he watched him kiss Hinata right in front of his eyes, the arm around Iwaizumi’s neck loosening as he tried to desperately ignore the pain that overwhelmed him. The pain wasn’t one of ordinary (and completely foolish) hurt. It felt like something much deeper._

_Almost like his **soul** was **falling apart.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D oops

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> I have no idea why this fic was so hard to write. I redrafted probably 75% of it so many times :l
> 
> there will be just a short (probably under or around 1k word) part 2 where it explains how Oikawa & Hinata found out, as well as a little bit of Oikawa's view on things.


End file.
